What You See, Isn't Always What You Get.

As I was scrolling though my Facebook and Instagram pages today I began to wonder:

Why is it that we only post the prettiest pictures and moments on social media? Maybe we want people to think we're perfect? You and I both know that is far from the truth. No one has a perfect family. No one has a perfect life. We aren't perfect parents, and NO ONE has perfect children (no matter how much we want to think it). We all go broke every once in a while. Most of us have gone without a meal at least once in our lives. If we can't admit this reality publicly, are we being honest with ourselves privately? 

#Foodforthought

What's Love?

Poor Man's Pizza

Ingredients:

• 20 Pieces Pepperoni (Approximately of course)

• 1/2 Cup Pizza Quick Snack Sauce

• 1 cup Shredded Mozzarella Cheese

• 1/4 Cup of Shredded Cheddar

• 1 Can Jumbo Refrigerated Biscuits (Usually 6 Biscuits)

Preparation!

1. In a greased cast-iron skillet, lay the biscuits in a single layer in the bottom of the pan. (Leave a little space for the biscuits to expand during cooking. They will form a solid crust as it bakes.)

2. Spread pizza sauce over the top of the biscuits. 
Add your cheeses next. I usually cover it with mozzarella with a dash of cheddar on top.  

3. Place your pepperoni however you like on top of the cheese. Trust me, it will taste the same no matter what pattern you make out of it. 

4. Bake in the oven at 400 F for around 20 minutes or until the cheese has started to bubble. Really depends on how done ya like it! 

5. Serve it up, or eat it alone on the couch while watching the perilous journey of Dr. McDreamy on Grey's Anatomy. Your choice. 

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Mama out.  

Top Ten Kids Movies

Top Ten Movies for Kids

I was curious the other day, so I decided to look at what films people were recommending as must see films for children. After this search I wasn’t sure if I was about to be transported to a land of happy trees and candy streets or if I was about to commit ritual suicide. These lists were full of movies that were nothing more than fodder for the mind. Useless feel good films that taught no lessons and did nothing to broaden children’s horizons. In light of this, I decided to compile my own list of must see movies for children. Not only that, but I saw fit to give you the reasons why these films would be helpful (and in some cases necessary) to a child’s mental growth.

1.Red Dawn 

If the country is ever invaded by a foreign power, you can take pride in the fact that your children will already have insight on how to conduct guerilla warfare and come up with a snazzy name for their group as well. 

2. Fight Club 

Mental Health is important. This movie shows kids that (when untreated) insomnia can lead to the creation of separate personalities and violent super cults willing to overthrow the governments financial sector.

3. 300 

Sooner or later in life you’re going to have to battle a giant omni-sexual with narcissistic tendencies. Don’t let your child start that fight without a firm grasp of complex battle strategy coupled with a never give up attitude.

4. The Matrix 

Robot overlords could be a situation in the future if scientists don’t stop messing around with A.I. technologies. When the robots begin to use humans as can openers and toaster ovens, your kid needs to be able to identify whether or not he has been placed into a complex computer simulation in order to start a resistance and fight back.

5. The Wrath of Khan 

Teaching your kids that even when you do what you feel is the right thing, unforeseeable circumstances can sometimes thrust you back into a conflict with a mortal enemy that has super human intellect and amazing pectoral muscles. No good deed goes unpunished. 

6. Shawshank Redemption 

Sometimes you’ll have to take the wrap for things you didn’t do. This film teaches children that even when things seem to be at their darkest, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Also to practice group fighting techniques in case the need should ever arise to ward off a small prison rape gang and their ginger leader.

7. IT 

Clowns are evil. That’s it. Just..clowns are evil.

8. Scarface 

Drugs are bad. And if you ever sell them, you will kill your own best friend and die in an epic gun fight at the top of a staircase using a modified M-16 on an army of Cubans.

9.Batman 

If your mother and I are ever killed in a back alley robbery for plastic pearls and the 7 dollars I keep in my wallet. You are charged with avenging our deaths while wearing a super cool outfit that is based off of a nocturnal animal(but no possums).

10. Toy Story

Tom Hanks and Tim Allen, how could it be bad. Also this movie instills the idea into children that if they mistreat their toys, the toys will be creepy and try to kill them. This will save you hundreds in toy replacement, but the money may need to be saved for therapy later on in life. 

Thus concludes my list of necessary movies for children. These films will help your child to flourish or become an ultra powerful warlord. Either way, it's a win.

Do you feel like the list covers all the bases?
If not, what movies do you suggest to help kids better prepare for the future. Feel Free and let us know.

Until next time, stay safe and good luck out there.

The Boyfriend Incident

I awoke early this morning and wandered into the kitchen. The sun was shining ever so brightly through the window, I watched as blue birds danced with monarch butterflies on the windowsill, prancing to and fro in the morning dew. Suddenly, dark clouds appeared out of nowhere, converging in front of the sun, eliminating any ray of light that dared to pierce through to the ground below. Dark and ominous shadows cast themselves over the landscape.

A murder of crows flew in, ate the butterflies, and threw up what appeared to be west coast migration gang signs causing the blue birds to retreat back into their three story french riviera style bird mansion that I had built earlier this year. As I watched these events unfold, I thought to myself, "Perhaps, I should just stay in bed today." As it would turn out I was correct, because soon after started...

THE BOYFRIEND INCIDENT

After witnessing the blue birds displacement and butterfly massacre, I walked back towards my bedroom. When by chance, I just happened to hear my two oldest girls giggling in their bedroom. Never one to pass up a good opportunity to scare the living daylights out of my children, I snuck up to the door. Except the only person to receive a fright would be me. As I eased closer to the door I heard the one word every father fears even more than the proctologist.

Boyfriend...

I burst into the room and involuntarily yelled, “Who do I have to kill!?!” I realized I may have shown my hand to soon, so I quickly rephrased my statement. “I mean...who’s got a boyfriend? What’s his name, age, address, and blood type?” Maddie (grasping the weight of the situation) quickly feigned death in the middle of the floor. Kylie responded, “I don’t have a boyfriend. It’s Maddie who has the boyfriend!” Maddie retorted so quickly that the sound barrier could hardly keep up. “Nuh uh, it’s Kylie, he’s her boyfriend!” Kylie returned, “No!” “I just talk to him on the bleachers at school.”After hearing this, I understood it was time to tell Kylie what every red blooded father tells his daughter when confronted with this situation. I said, “Kylie it’s time I told you.”

“You’re an alien and kissing a boy can kill you.”

“What?” she replied in disbelief, “Daddy, don’t be silly.”

So, I explained how her mother and I were out driving one night, when suddenly, a small spacecraft landed in a potato field next to us. How we opened the craft and found a baby girl inside and decided to raise her as our own. That her real name was No-boy and she hailed from a planet located in the Celibacy galaxy called Nunnery.

She of course seemed skeptical of the story. That is, until I produced the alien rule book that I had retrieved from the craft. {A note to all fathers, if you’re going to use this excuse, it’s best to write the alien manual before hand} “See! Right here!" "A single touch from any member of the male species can cause instant paralysis and even death.” Her eyes widened. I said, “You’re just lucky your Daddy caught this in time. Who knows what could have happened if you had let him get close enough to kiss you.” Then I explained that the alien rule book was a secret and that she could never let anyone know that she’s an alien for the sake of humanity. Then I returned to my room feeling confident that the crisis had been averted. 

Wait a sec...

My wife is yelling for me.

It also appears she is with my daughter and they are...

uh oh...yep. They’re looking at the rule book.

I have to sneak out the window real quick, so until next time...

Stay safe and good luck out there.

Chocolate Cassidy

      Today came the realization that our second youngest is going to be either a pro wrestler or a kung fu master. There I was sitting innocently on the bed watching Tom Hanks dance his way into America's heart on a giant keyboard, when suddenly a small hand grabbed me from behind. The pinpoint accuracy of the infantile fingers(which had nails that had been gnawed into points for maximum damage capacity) cut straight through my beard applying pressure to several points of my chin, causing me to throw my head immediately backwards into the pillow. I then heard a gnarling high pitched voice from behind say one word..."KISS"....I glanced upward to see something moving out of the shadows. It was a mouth half covered in saliva and chocolate and it was coming towards me at an accelerated rate of speed. An immediate wave of pride and terror swept over my body. Pride at the overall effectiveness of the take down and terror at what was about to befall me. I reached out, grasping for anything that might help me to stave off the impending doom that was moving ever closer. As luck would have it, a pink elephant toy was just inches away from my fingertips. Stretching with all my might I was able to retrieve the elephant and place him directly between me and the coming onslaught of the chocolate nightmare. Pinky the elephant took the brunt of the blow, his insides squeaking in horror, but he bought me enough time to collect the wipes from the nightstand and neutralize the situation. Today he goes into the wash, but tomorrow he emerges...a hero.

The Nature of Girls

The Nature of Girls

Ever notice the eternal need for some females to be the best at everything? Some girls always have to be right, always have to win the fight, always have to be the prettiest, the loudest, etc.... Before I had children, I always thought this was something that was taught...or an insane mental disposition. I thought this way, because I never thought I was one of THOSE creatures. How wrong I was. Having a house full of girls has shown me I passed on a lot more of these traits than I would care to admit. Sometimes they're obvious, but sometimes they show themselves in different ways.

For Example:

1. Bragging: comes naturally.

2. Hair: is in fact the first appendage in the line of fire of a physical confrontation. 

3. Tears: can be used to garner influence and power(or to make Mommy do things she doesn't want to do).

4. Clothes: are forever possessions of the first warm body that they come in contact with.

5. Drooling: is always done"on purpose", because they just like their hair that way.

6. Bugs: "I'm not scared of it, I just feel like running right now."

7. Vigilance: When it takes 20 minutes to explain the sequence of events that lead up to what we didn’t do today, your lack of interest is not an option.

8. Loudness: is equal to correctness. 

Quick N' Cheesy Calzones!

  This recipe makes 8 calzones. You can adjust the recipe to make as many as you like. Two of these are usually plenty for me! This is a fast fix for dinner an as easy as it gets. This has made it into our regular dinner rotation. Enjoy!

-2 canned refrigerated pizza crusts
    (Found with canned biscuits in store)

- 1/4 cup real bacon bits (optional)

- 1/2 cup shredded mozzarella cheese
-1/2 cup shredded sharp cheddar
    (Optional, but I recommend if you use bacon bits)      
                       
-16 slices of pepperoni

- 1/8 cup of Parmesan

-  Emeril's™ BAM! Original Essence

- Ragu original Pizza Quick Snack Sauce, (Make sure it's Pizza Quick, not the original Pizza sauce!)
               
1. Open each crust and flatten, still keeping it in the rectangle shape. Cut into 4 even regtangle peices.

2. Spread Pizza Quick (or preferred pizza sauce) in the middle of each crust leaving 1 inch of outer edges uncovered.
3. Add cheddar, and mozzarella on top of sauce, then bacon bits, and lastly pepperoni.

4. Fold short side in then the long sides of the crust encasing your ingredients inside the calzone. Flip over.

5. Sprinkle tops with  Emeril's™ BAM! Original Essence seasoning and Parmesan.

6. Bake for 20 min or until tops are golden brown at 400°F.

   (Make sure it's Pizza Quick, not the original Pizza sauce!)

*Quick tips: If you are on a budget like we are there is always the Walmart Great Value brand for all ingredients. Although, we usually spend the extra pennies on Ragu Pizza Quick Sauce and Emeril's seasoning.

Enjoy and don't forget to share!

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Best Thing You'll Ever Do

Nothing makes you feel like being a mother does. You’re happy, frustrated, stressed, amazed, and exhausted all at the same time. You feel unconditionally loved(because you are!). Some of us become worry-warts of every little spit-up, bump, scrape, and rash. Many of us sometimes feel lonely in our daily trials with children even with help. We crave late night alone time, yet we so often wake our children up in the mornings just because we have missed their little faces. It can be the hardest thing to deal with at times, yet it is the most rewarding.
     In my personal opinion being a parent can be the best thing you ever do. It is life-altering. You not only teach your children everyday (whether you realized it or not), but they teach you. They teach you things like... just how many buttons you really have that can be pushed before your patience runs out, how many hundreds of times you can be spit-up on, pooped and peed on without being totally grossed out, but most importantly how much it is possible for you to love another human being... or just how dependable you really are since your children rely on you for absolutely everything. They teach you more about yourself than you will ever figure out on your own. That is exactly what I feel like makes it all worthwhile. The rewards are endless. You become stronger than you knew you could ever be. In addition, you get the joys of watching your little ones grow with you.
     My oldest girl, Kylie is 8. She is in 3rd grade this year and joined the school choir. She is so far the most tender hearted of the bunch. Kylie has always been a very quiet, gentle soul. My middle girl, Madeline is 4. Started pre-kindergarten this year. She is rambunctious, never slows down, always into something...and honestly way too clever for her own good. I mean that in good humor of course.  Cassidy is our other middle girl, she will be 2 in February. Also clever and quickly hitting her milestones. She picked up her head for the first time just 2 hours after birth, and she's already learning her colors, counting and so on (yes, I'm bragging!) And there came little Novalia. She's 4 months old. Already smiling and cooing like crazy when you talk to her. Just the sweetest little thing. These girls are what our world revolves around. We are blessed enough that I am now able to stay home to take care of them. It took a while to get used to, and I am still adjusting to this huge job, but the advantages are tremendous!
     It’s true, Parenting isn’t for everyone as stated above it is the most challenging decision you will ever make. The struggles to provide for you children are great, but only a grain of sand compared to the love you get in return.
    
     If you would like to share your experiences as a parent, have questions or need simply need friendly counsel, feel free to comment below, or message me. We can do this together, one imperfect parent to another.